Well, some of you may have noticed I've been a bit quiet lately. I have been experiencing what is known as a Dark Night of the Soul.
When we are working on ourselves spiritually, or indeed any form of self-discovery or improvement, we invest a lot of time and energy making sure that we follow all the good advice and the so-called 'best way of doing things'. We make sure our intention is positive, and we look in the mirror in the morning, affirming to ourselves that we are loved, worthy and deserving of the very best.
When we really want to change, improve or discover ourselves, we do our absolute best to 'contribute' to the process, spending hours, days, months, and even years finding out how to achieve this. This drive is key to our spiritual and emotional development, and is simply your Ego Self expressing its enthusiasm for your success.
As I touched on in my earlier post, Guidance and Intuition - My Experience, there are two sides to everyone. On one side, we have our Ego Self, and on the other, our Authentic Self. The Ego Self is the conscious mind, that part of ourself that we use to control our thoughts, define our identity and moderate our behaviour. The Ego Self is the 'I' part of us, that which we consider ourself.
The Ego Self has been taught, our entire life, what to do, what to say, how to behave, how to think and (most regrettably) how to be. Not to say that we don't need our Ego - it's a very important instinct and is responsible for self-preservation, self-maintenance and many other valuable aspects of our life (even brushing your teeth is your Ego at work).
So, your Ego is trying its best to 'stick with the program', showing willing in the hope that the positivity and life-changing experience you've so patiently waited for will emerge. As they say 'full marks for effort!'
So, what's wrong with that?
Absolutely nothing. Our Ego is very powerful and will carry us very far along the road to self-transformation. There comes a point, though, when it becomes an obstacle to our progress.
How? Well, this is where it gets difficult. Our Authentic Self is perfectly happy to work with the Ego self for the eventual goal of improving your own earthly experience. All good so far? Good. So, the enthusiasm with which the Ego chases these improvements is great - it really shows the Authentic Self that it means business. It does an excellent job of proving itself, but Ego being Ego, it tends to want to take the credit for these improvements. The Ego Self Believes it is in Control. The trouble is, nothing happens as a result of this distorted perception until the day you realise that there is something/one in your unconscious mind that is doing just as much, if not more, as you are doing in your conscious mind. Sounds good, right?
Wrong. So very wrong.
One day, you wake up and start questioning everything. You start wondering why, even though you're making such an effort, you seem to get nowhere. You have a crisis of faith - wondering why these heavenly images of magnificence that you are so devoted to have sat back and ignored your efforts. You plunge into the deepest, darkest depths of despair, self-loathing and depression; you feel completely powerless and utterly stranded.
You ask why, if they love you, they are so happy to sit back and watch you struggle, you ask yourself if they are even laughing at you, ridiculing your tiny insignificant life and your impotent, useless attempts at making it better.
Sounds legit though... You've made all this effort, changed your own life, behaviour, attitudes, diet, made your sacrifices, devoted yourself to the cause, and you're still not where you expected to be. You have, however, made enough changes to know you couldn't return to the stagnant status quo of your previous existence. So, you're stuck in the waiting room. Ready to go but still being held back.
So what's going on?
Your Ego is the one holding you back. As well-intentioned as your motives might be, the Ego side of you will sabotage you without even knowing. The Ego, being the side of you that deals with conscious stuff, is analytical: it needs to know the how, why, when, where and who of everything. That's perfectly ok when dealing with other people and situations, but when battling with the subconscious Authentic side of us (who we really are), the Ego tries to control everything.
Even though the Ego isn't battling with the Authentic Self (in fact the opposite), it still wants to control the Authentic Self - Ego wants to tell Authentic how, where and when it needs to do its job. Authentic says 'no', shakes its head, folds its arms and refuses to play. Balance is all about getting the two of you to work together, and as we know, working together means that not one is in control, but both.
Unfortunately, Mr Ego is sneaky. When our Ego feels threatened, it will attempt to save its own skin by blocking further progress. In the case of balance, our friend Ego is scared to give up control because of fear; fear is the number one block to our progress. Ego is scared of becoming unnecessary, redundant and unimportant.
That's why some of us experience a Dark Night of the Soul. The Ego is holding on to the idea that it is in charge, and when the Authentic Self shows it that actually, Ego has never been in control, this is the Ego's biggest fear and is the final Earthly fear we must face before the two halves of us are joined in beautiful, loving harmony and we can advance on our own divinely-guided spiritual path.
So, what can we do to avoid this crisis? That depends on how scared the ego is of losing its power. In most of us, there's very little we can do. Our Egos have been so filled with self-empowerment and the idea that it is creator of your life that when you suddenly have the idea that it's not all down to your own conscious influence, that we then start to deny it, making excuses that we are just having doubts about ourselves.
That's difficult! Yes, which is why most of the advice I've read advocates 'wait and see', sitting in our dark corner waiting for the miracle of self-realisation. What I decided to do is acknowledge that no, my ego was never in control, but it was part of what created situations for me. The idea of being humble has been severely downplayed in recent generations, with the idea of self-power being forced down our throats, negating the very possibility of anything other than ourselves having an influence in our life.
The illusion of separation from our fellow human being creates a 'me against the world' mentality. This pulls our awareness and focus outside ourselves and all we see is our self existing amongst their selves. We are all trying to be better than everyone else, without ever trying to be better than ourselves. Unfortunately, yet another side-effect is that the Ego is so used to being me against them that it has this mentality when dealing with the Authentic side of us.
The Ego needs to get down on its knees and admit that there is someone else who deserves as much credit as itself: the Authentic Self. Effectively, that means that our conscious mind needs to realise that our unconscious mind plays a huge part in what we do, what we are, and what happens to us in our life. The Ego needs to bow down to the Authentic, acknowledging that they couldn't function, or even exist, without the other.
When the Ego finally releases its desire for control over your life, then both halves of you will start to function properly. You will be balanced, and your life will start to change, very rapidly, for the better.
The thing is, both halves are still you. The goal is to integrate and embrace both halves of you as being equally important. When your Ego lets go, your True Self can shine.
I am a Reiki Master Practitioner and Teacher, adept at several different types of traditional and non-traditional Reiki. I also practice Chios Energy Healing, and heal intuitively, I am a hypnotherapist, psychologist and life coach and I live in Lanzarote and it is my mission to 'heal as many people as possible'.
If you would like to have a chat about healing or any of the work I do, please get in touch:
+34 603 79 88 82 (WhatsApp available)
blue.spirit.wellness@gmail.com
Facebook: blue.spirit.wellness