As part of the spiritual community, and an Empathic Indigo Child (ADHD since birth), I pride myself on being able to 'step back' and look at things objectively, without letting emotions affect me.
Not to say that I can always be objective and know that it's all good... Type 1 Diabetic too, I have slightly more than my fair share of shit to deal with on a daily basis. I understand that there's millions who are worse off than me, I'm grateful that I'm still alive and I know that everything is a test or a lesson. Just because I understand all this, it doesn't always make me feel better.
So what? Well, I'm not writing an article all about me and my ailments (although it could be an interesting one for coping mechanisms...). It's the word 'Positivity'.
We are taught to 'always look on the bright side', we are told 'it's for the best' and 'it's for your own good', there's an entire mindset about 'focus on the positive' - in short, we are being brainwashed to force positivity into our lives. While it makes us feel good and makes life a lot easier to deal with, this 'false positivity' goes completely against our biological and emotional makeup as human beings, and goes completely against the idea of having a complete 'human experience' from the soul's point of view.
Emotions and feelings are there to do a job. Biologically, they cause changes in the body, preparing us to deal with the situation at hand. Psychologically, they tell us how to behave in a certain situation for our own best outcome.
If we are 'controlling' our emotions and suppressing what we feel in order to be 'positive', we are not letting our system do its job properly. We are told that 'suffering is ok, as long as you don't show it'. Because I'm not in a wheelchair, not physically disfigured and have no outward manifestations of my illnesses, I am subconsciously categorised as being 'normal', and having no right to complain about life, because i must 'stay positive'.
Well, I say 'Fuck Positivity'.
If I wasn't meant to break down in tears or get overexcited or angry, I wouldn't be made the way I am. I would be made differently. Emotions and feelings are all part of the wonderfully rich experience that is human existence. Yeah, yeah - I know about all the people suffering who don't think it's that great but that's not what I'm on about. The simple fact that we can actually feel is quite a gift - it's like the mother of all senses... We can hear, see, taste, touch and smell. We have mysterious energetic capabilities. But most of all, we have our feelings.
As an Empath, I feel very deeply. When I feel something, I really feel it. Emotions take a huge amount of energy, and it's easy to become overwhelmed sometimes, especially when I start feeling other peoples' energy (that's both cool as f*ck and the biggest curse ever, but more on that in a bit).
'Get over it'. Worst thing to say. Here, just hold this a moment while I torture you slowly. Feelings are, for some of us, the most powerful force acting on us. If I tried to deny, mask or hide my feelings, I would go crazy in a very very short period of time. The best thing to do with emotions and feelings is to experience them as and when they happen.
If a feeling or emotion isn't dealt with at the time it is experienced (always right now), it becomes part of the memory, and gets stored in the cloud along with the other information from that experience. So, we have all these experiences that have an old, rotting carcass of an emotion that should have been dealt with at the time, but wasn't.
You know that song that always makes you emotional? Well, that's the result of suppressed emotions. The food that you can't order because it reminds you of him? Suppressed emotion. That moment you had in the shop the other day? Suppressed emotion.
So... An example, before I lose you in the complexities of my thought processes...
A breakup. Everything is rosy, then it all comes crashing down and you are lost in the swirling vortex of feelings that results. All those who care about you (and those who don't really) surround you with niceties about how they weren't worthy of you, and that there's 3.5 billion more 'fish in the sea' and soothe you with words and actions specifically designed to distract your emotions away from what your body is actually feeling.
I need to have my feelings of unworthiness - they bring the realisation that actually, I am worthy.
I need to have my feelings of guilt - they bring the realisation that it wasn't my fault.
I need to have my pain - it makes me stronger.
I need to have my feelings of depression - they help me recognise the really good stuff.
I need to complain - putting something into words helps me deal with it.
It's all very well being positive, I mean the list above reads like a list of well-meaning good advice, but let's look at this a bit deeper:
If an emotion is not dealt with, it is stored as part of a memory. Every time you bring that memory into your conscious mind, you will feel the emotions and feelings that were stored with it. If you deal with an emotion (it may take ages), and come out the other side of it, there's always some kind of realisation - like a bonus prize for getting through it. Just have a look at the list above. It's a list of realisations that I had after a breakup. If you allow yourself to experience emotions and feelings fully, you will see the positive side. If you don't, then you don't get quite far enough.
Fuck Positivity. I am real. My body calls for my attention and action constantly. If I'm hungry, I will eat. If I'm thirsty, I will drink. If I'm angry, I'll be angry. If I'm upset, I'll be upset. Feelings and emotions are there to be dealt with, and I think you'll find that most of the 'fluffy bunny' community haven't dealt with theirs, hiding behind their shields of forced positivity.
I am a complete, complicated, wonderful human being. I have extreme highs, and extreme lows. I get emotional sometimes. I get angry sometimes. I am positive sometimes. I am negative sometimes. I love myself for how goddamn interesting I am, and embrace myself in my wholeness - Fuck Positivity, I AM Complete.
It's great to be positive, but not if you deny everything else. Stop trying to be this happy person, and start being YOU. Complete, complicated, emotional, wonderful YOU - warts and all.
Lots of Love,
John x
I live in Lanzarote and am a Reiki Master Practitioner and Teacher, adept at several different types of traditional and non-traditional Reiki. I also practice Sound Healing, Chios Energy Healing, and heal intuitively. I am a hypnotherapist, psychologist and life coach and my mission to 'heal as many people as possible'.
If you would like to have a chat about healing or any of the work I do, please get in touch:
+34 603 79 88 82 (WhatsApp available)
blue.spirit.wellness@gmail.com
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