Really thinking about this, I love this phrase. Now, I've seen all the funny memes about "oh just stop worrying" and the sarcastic "oh why didn't I think of that?".
Don't get me wrong, I'm dead against simplistic, overly-positive thinking that can't somehow grasp how hard it is to deal with anything, let alone your mental health. It's the addition of "so much" at the end.
Those two words turned what could have been a very ill-advised phrase into a great piece of advice that we can use. The fact that it was said lovingly made me see it in a positive light, which I'd like to share with you...
Let's break it down:
"you need to" - from someone who cares, is telling you what they think is best for you.
This means "to be your best self, be happier and healthier, I think this thing must be done.". It's not an order - they're not trying to tell you what to do, there's nothing to rebel against... The difference is how you process the thought. As you can see, if they said the whole sentence, it would take a while.
"stop worrying" - this is simply them pointing out what is wrong, what is damaging you.
This is the point where some people stop. "You need to stop worrying" is a phrase that implies that would be a very easy thing to do. Like a light switch. On, off. Well, it's not that easy. Worry, which is basically anxiety, can't just be switched off. We can use a million different techniques and tricks to try, but anxiety is an instinct. We couldn't switch it off if we wanted to.
I'll talk more about anxiety at a later date, but instead, the next bit:
"so much" - this bit. This bit right here...
Thats's what makes this a great piece of advice. One thing I encounter a lot while teaching mindful breathing is someone trying so hard to "get it right" that it cancels out the benefits of what I'm teaching...
I said earlier that you can't just stop worrying. What you can do is worry slightly less than you do now...
Stress and anxiety are serious. They can have an enormous effect on our minds, our bodies and pretty much everyone and everything we come into contact with. In other words, those two have an effect on our entire life. That's huge.
That's why it's impossible to stop worrying. It's a survival instinct born back in the days of sabre-toothed tigers, one which kept us out of harm's way and out of tigers' mouths. The problem these days is that the situations most of us find ourselves in don't find us running for our lives...
The way our brains work, is that they react to information, process it, and use our nervous systems to "configure" our bodies for the situation. This is what can lead to lifelong stress and anxiety, which as we know can kill us.
So, how can we start worrying a bit less?
The first, and most important thing, is to admit to yourself that maybe you could worry a little bit less. Don't try to downplay what you're going through. Don't criticise yourself at all for worrying. Just see the possibility that you might actually be able to change things, even just a tiny bit.
The thing is, the only thing we have any control over is ourselves. Stuff happens. Something always happens. That bit is completely out of our hands. What we can actually do anything about is what we do about it. It's how we respond to a situation that is the difference between worrying about it, or dealing with it.
A reaction is instant and automatic; a response has been thought about and crafted to match the situation. The difference between the two is enormous, both in how the situation plays out, and the effect it has on the person.
Stop. Just stop.
The way to stop reacting and start responding is by stopping. Practice the Pause. Give yourself a second. Well, two actually. That's the theory anyway.
Not so easy in practice though. It's very easy to get caught up in a situation and carried away with the emotion of it all.
The absolute first thing we need to do is to learn to turn down the volume a bit. Slowing an anxious brain is not an easy task, and anyone that can do it deserves all the good things, in my opinion.
But literally, stop.
Take a moment, and ask yourself a few questions:
is this (whatever) going to actually kill anyone or cause physical harm?
has this happened before?
did it kill anyone or cause physical harm, before?
"is this utility bill going to actually kill anyone or cause physical harm?"
So, once you've admitted to yourself that there's no threat to life from this piece of paper, you are worrying less.
So, I can already hear "that's stupid", from my inner critic and no doubt quite a few people. I know it sounds too simple, but what you are actually doing is reprogramming your brain to stop treating the utility bill as a literal threat to your life.
Because your brain processes information and acts accordingly. That's literally all. What we are doing by confirming that the dreaded bill is actually quite safe is simple.
We are telling our brains that it doesn't need to respond with the same instincts as if there were a herd of elephants charging through the living room. In order for this to happen, the brain needs to know that it is consistently safe. It needs to learn that there really is no harm.
So, you wander around your apartment as often as you can waving your gas bill in the air, saying happily "it's not gonna kill me!". What happens is your brain doesn't panic any more. That's the bit that causes the most damage.
Give it a try, after a while you might notice a difference...
John x
I live in Lanzarote and am a Reiki Master Practitioner and Teacher, adept at several different types of traditional and non-traditional Reiki. I also practice Sound Healing, Chios Energy Healing, and heal intuitively. I am a hypnotherapist, psychologist and life coach and my mission to 'heal as many people as possible'.
If you would like to have a chat about healing or any of the work I do, please get in touch:
+34 603 79 88 82 (WhatsApp available)
blue.spirit.wellness@gmail.com
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